Tuesday, January 31, 2006

The Door Is Starting To Open

If people remember me from the years ago, and last year including, I was a totally secluded individual. I still sometimes am very secluded, but I'm getting so much better about going beyond the seclusive life. I guess I should start where this change began. When I was at the lowest point in my life, my best friend Sean was there for me and was a grand encouragement for me, but it just didn't seem like enough and I was back to scene 1, then in the Fall of 2005 or Summer of 2005, I started being a little more active in church, which was slowly bringing forth a new side of me, which some people noticed. Of course I still wasn't satisfied enough with the way things were still going, because there were still people who really never knew I existed or at least totally forgot who I was and I wanted to make myself visible, this drastic change happend at one of the Praise Everywhere events, which I think was I think one or two Praise Everywhere events ago, but that's besides the point, what brought this change was Jake Kaufman. When I first saw this person, which was like a year or two ago, I thought to myself, why is he a Youth Minister, he doesn't have the maturity of one. I finally realized by how people act around him he seems like a pretty fun person! My problem there was, with my social status being not the best in the world, I probably wasn't popular enough to even talk to him, but I gave it a shot and of course my thoughts about popularity shouldn't have gotten in the way of talking to someone, and I made a new friend! Jake was truly one of the first people who allowed me to come out of my seclusive shell, and George Welty, God bless his soul, I think he didn't really know who I was until he met me in person technically for the first time, which means I'm starting to be visible! This most recent Praise Everywhere has been another way for me to let people know that I exist and the fact that I'm really trying to be a better person. I can't wait till the next Praise Everywhere!

Sunday, January 29, 2006

A Spiritual Boost

Today's Praise Everywhere activity at Dunbar was the BEST of all the others I have been to. Jake did an excellent job with his sermon, it opened many doors in my heart, that I had to think about and in ways I started seeing things a little more differently. Georges sermon, it just touched my heart, because when I see people suffering to such a degree, I wish I could help them and there always seems to be nothing I can do. The food was awesome as usual, and I met some new people, I'm still pretty shy at meeting people, but I feel I'm getting better at it. I wish it was a little longer than what it was, because when I'm there I always feel a great peace of mind from the harshness of the real world, it's like a very minute piece of heaven is here and then goes. The next piece of heaven is Winterfest!!! I can't wait for that awesome day to come!

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Nothing Without Christ

I was like a blind man on a road that led nowhere just an empty-hearted beggar in desperate need of help I was poor in spirit, but he was rich in love I was down to nothin' when he came to lift me up now I will never let myself forget all he has done how he came and rescued me and where he brought me from..

I am nothing without christ, he is everything to me he's the reason that I live, he is my only need I know I couldn't make it throughone day without jesus in my life I am nothing, nothing without Christ.

There is nothing good in me that did not come from him nothing I could boast of that he did not give from the moment I cried out to him to heal my troubled soul he welcomed me with open arms, said all that's mine is yours now I will never let myself forget all he has done how he came and rescued me and where he brought me from..

Like a wave without a seashore or a kingdom with no king without jesus in my life, I know I wouldn't be complete..


I loved this song when I first heard it. I think it has such a powerful meaning to it.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Final Decision..

Since last year, I tried to keep in touch with my best friend, but this *relationship* he is in just went too far....and he finally started ignoring me for good. So I finally made up my mind, I'm completely removing him from my thoughts, so I don't go through any more sad moments. I sort of feel relieved that I got rid of a long term problem like this. This event might have been a sign from God, that there are better things on Earth to go for besides waiting to see if some people can change. I just hope that I don't have to make this kind of decision again for quite a while.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

A Tale of Two Kingdoms

Once upon a time there existed two kingdoms, one called Hope, and one called Despair. The people of Hope Kingdom lived life to the fullest and praised God everyday and the people of Despair Kingdom were always depressed to the fullest and worshiped a golden monument. One day a disturbing note came to both kingdoms saying: If you don't love your enemy, people from your kingdoms will leave and live a life beyond hope and despair. Both kingdoms didn't truly understand what the meaning of the letter was trying to say, so they continued there lives the way they were. All of a sudden people of both kingdoms started leaving and never to be found, then they realized that life beyond hope and despair was death, and now know that the people leaving were leaving for good. The kingdoms realized that they are both people and share the same goals if only they would worship one God. They didn't wait any longer, they joined kingdoms to become the ultimate kingdom which became known as Love. Thanks to the love of the kingdoms the ones who left came back, and everyone rejoiced.

I know my story probably sounded a little corny for some, but there is awesome meaning behind it. If we all love one another, there is hope for all and if there is hope for all, I think there will be more love. This is one of the ways I think Heaven will be like, a whole world of family, loving each other, with no more despair.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Pros and Cons of Living My Life.

My life is more complicated than what people see of me in person. There are positive and negative sides to being me. For the positive side, with me being sheltered from some of the bad events of the world, I know barely any sexual references what so ever, so I can't understand half the dirty topics that others speak about. People usually trust me more than others because of my honesty, and they can talk to me on a one on one basis if they are having trouble. I made a vow to stay a virgin till marriage. The negative parts of being so sheltered, is the fact that I can be pretty ignorant and arrogant about certain things, like when people talk about homosexuality, which is a very difficult topic for me to understand at times. I had a small conversation with a close friend of mine, and I accidentally said something that sort of bugged him, because he has friends that are gay, I felt really terrible about it, but I wish I understood things like that better, so I wouldn't have to go through that again..I think that going to college will close some of my sheltered habits away, which is a good thing in some cases, because I can finally learn and understand the ways of the real world. I still wonder if anything I expressed here is wrong, but I just had to let this out eventually, so I don’t make any mistakes later.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Winterfest Warm Up Reflections

The Winterfest Warm Up was more than what I anticipated, over the week, it was awesome! All the activities were very entertaining, and had such great meaning. The guest speakers did a wonderful job, but only Jake and Toney's presentation of Unity, had the most significant effect on my physical, spiritual, and mental life, I love them very much and I respect them so much! My christian battery is very full, and I felt like I was part of a family when this topic was finally discussed, and I hope to feel this way for the rest of my life! The food, was excellent and tasted like a professional chef made it thanks to Reda! I can't wait till Winterfest!

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

What is true friendship?

I'm back to the reoccuring question that my life seems to be circling around...friendship. It seems that I can't keep any at school, due to pathetic reasons. I do have some wonderful friends at church and college, the college friends I will see soon, and I will soon lose physical association with ones at church. Why does life have to have a drastic change in just a few years? I hope I can find the answers to my questions, so I can finally let go of one of the problems that weigh my life down. Oh God, please ease some of this pain, so I can move on peacefully.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Life is random.

When I was at the Andersons house yesterday, kicking everyones butt at DDR of course, we played another game called Apples to Apples. The objective of this game is to collect four green cards, but the only way to do it is by the person judging what cards each player layed out to see which one best suits the topic of the green card. Well as lucky a guy I am, I get the most random, offtopic, and not to mention stupid cards for each of the topics, and somehow managed to get at least 3 of the 4 green cards. For example if one green card said, Mystical, the cards I had did not even come close, so of course I use the looking for a job card, and get the green card! Life seems to work the same way, even tho something does truly fit in with the topic that was issued, it always depends on the person judging how they feel about what makes something really matter, logic is not always the best game to play in life, and thats what makes things more interesting. I think God made life, sort of like the Apples to Apples game, not everything has to meet a certain criteria, even things off the wall can make a difference, which gives everyone a chance to live the life they want, and hopefully they make the right decisions.

Friday, January 06, 2006

The Book of Daniel

Today at 9pm, a new TV show called The Book of Daniel began, what makes this show so unique is that it shows life as a christian is not so perfect, in fact this show portrays the life of a christian family that has so many troubles it's not even funny (well actually it sort of is). When the Reverand is going through troubling time, especially when he takes some type of drug that I guess calms his nerves, Jesus actually appears and helps him out, Jesus in this show is pretty funny!

Here is the Reverand of the show. He is by far such an odd imitation and example of how a reverand should act. The guy on the left is well...Jesus! A very cheap imitation.

This show is on every Friday, sometime around 9 or 10pm. It's pretty good, just don't take offense of some of the actions.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Power of Love

I'm sure your first views from the title make it seem like the song, but there is so much more meaning to love than what that song states. When I was young I thought of love as something so simple and sometimes didn't know what it was, but as I grew older, I realized that love is more than just what your parents give you..it's what others give as well. I really never started feeling love from anyone until the latter part of last year, and it was a wave of fresh air, when I was going through troubled times. I finally feel apart of my youth group more than ever now, possibly because I have Seniority, but how I found those feelings probably doesn't matter, it's the fact that it finally happened, and it grows stronger everyday. This is what I would call a spiritual family...

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Life Beyond a Doubt

When people say that life is terrible, I believe what they say, but....there is a positive atmosphere about life that is completely overlooked, I myself am starting to figure it out. For instance on rainy days, people feel depressed, but I feel at peace, and calm about it, when others complain that the school food is terrible, I think it tastes good (since I rarely eat it and I'm not supposed to), when people get dumped by someone they thought they *loved*, I think to myself, it's probably for the best, you could have gotten into a lot of trouble if you stuck with that relationship. When people complain that they don't have something to believe in, I think to myself how fortunate I am to have God to believe in, and wonder why they don't believe the same way. I know for certain, that I still take what life has to offer for granted, but I'm starting to realize that not everything has to be doubted, you just have to look deeper to see what it really means. Sure finding people to be with can still be troublesome at times, but I got used to being alone a lot and will surely find someone or a few people that I can be great friends with, God has a plan for me, and someday I will discover what he wants me to accomplish. Life is too short, don't let the little things strip your life away.